Hence the Blog

I bake, as in currently sometimes I make cookies or try a new cake recipe. There was a life not long ago where baking & cake decorating was my full time gig. For about a year now I've taken an extended cake break of sorts except for making things for family & random gatherings. The joy of it all just got zapped & after a lot of convincing I finally listened to God and stepped away for a while without a clear direction of why or what next...just a strong conviction to stop.

Anyway, I had this thought a few months ago involving a sifter like you use for sifting flour in regards to faith, but that will be a separate blog post. It was the kind of thought where you know you are experiencing an ah-ha moment where God is showing you something important. A train of thought that is walking a thin line on wisdom's tight rope...but you have to soak it up quick before the rope gets all wiggly and you mind gets off balance & you are onto the next thing. Well I didn't have anywhere to process it, to write it down, to keep walking the line to see where it led. These kind of moments happen often and that nugget of "oh that's cool God, I see"...or this idea or that... just get dropped, not explored, not shared. Blame it on motherhood & all the plates we have spinning and the balls we have juggling...or maybe it's just my creative mind hopping from one tight rope to the next...but the nuggets get lost along the way and then feel purposeless.

Hence this blog.

I've always loved writing, since I was in elementary. I was into all the writing journal prompts and stories we got to type up during computer class back in the 90's. I was realllly quiet and shy, so I guess writing was a way I could express all the thoughts swirling around without having to talk face to face.

We got to create these books every year that would be sent off for a competition and I was honored to get first for our school one year. I wrote about this rabbit with really long buck teeth and made it a scratch & sniff book. We went to this big writing convention with all the kid winners over Texas. I still remember that auditorium filled with yellow lighting and beige folding seats. On the stage was a keynote speaker, a woman author of children's books. She read us one from a series she wrote about an armadillo character named Bluebonnet. You may remember these, especially if you are a native Texan. My mom purchased a few & the author signed them for me. In one she wrote, "To Ashley-Bluebonnet says: "Keep reading and keep writing!"

I have another book called, 'Pickle Things' that my 2nd & 3rd grade teachers got me for my birthday that currently resides in my 8 & 10 year old's bookshelf. Some backstory...my best friend Sarah and me used to take the clear plastic trays of pickles for the hamburgers from the cafeteria & keep them in our mouth during class. Our teacher started calling us the Pickle Princesses. Well....they found this book, pulled me out of class to present it to me, & it was the sweetest gift at the time. I remember feeling so special that they had given this gift to me and believed I could write. The inscription says, " Keep on writing."

I really never knew what to do with this so called skill. During elementary it seemed to be cultivated regularly...but in high school there weren't many creative writing projects or creative projects in general. All that joy, wonder, & opportunity that was stirred in me as a kid stopped being watered. I found myself only writing my thoughts and feelings in journals.

In college painting had taken writing's place to express myself. After that the blog world seemed to explode & I did create one. I wasn't a believer yet and I'm sure it had the most random posts as I was navigating being truly lost and sad. During that time I was saved & life changed drastically. I remember all I wanted to do was write a book about what God was doing and my testimony...which I did start and wrote several chapters. I never finished...life happened and it got pushed on the back burner.

Later after I had gotten married and had our three girls, I started another blog "Flutters & Frills" that had to do with our family, home, & creativity. Our youngest, who was a newborn at the time, we found out had Lymphedema & it was a challenging year to have the momentum or capacity for writing. My dad passed away unexpectedly that next year and I just gave up on it. It wasn't even a conscious decision, I just stopped at some point in overwhelm & grief and never wrote anything else.

When my first born was little, I had come across those old books from my childhood & added them to our daughters' collection. Every now & then I would randomly pick one up, read the inscription, & feel the Lord prompting me to write.

Well similarly, this past year has brought up the same leadings. Coming across old teacher notes encouraging my writing, these specific book inscriptions, random (not so random) passages in other booksor devotionals where someone is speaking about writing a blog. I didn't have a clear direction for after ditching the cake stuff, but just to write & to paint whatever that meant. I've been dragging my feet. This past year has been a weird one...but maybe that's a future post. Mainly I was having these prodding times of 'ughhhh here is another thought, idea, picture in my head, 'there's a sermon in that' moment...where I had nowhere to get it out, nowhere to explain it, nowhere to plant the vision to watch it bloom or grow. God kind of let it build to this IRKING encumbrance where I'm like OK I have to start this blog so I can get all this stuff out. Finally being obedient.

So again...hence the blog.

A creative nook to share all the things...mainly to reflect and share God's word. To plant all the nugget seeds in their little online garden beds and see if they need to sprout, blossom, or grow. If anything its for fun & my own marker of words & thoughts to come back to, to remember, to see where God takes me, maybe it's for my girls to reflect on one day, or maybe it's for you to gain something from. Just like my teacher's and that authors past inscriptions; sometimes God will use what once was said or once was done to impact, inspire, help, encourage someone in the here & now.

Even today I pulled out a note from an old teacher (my mom dropped off a box a while back) and it said "Ashley is a joy. I keep wondering when she is going to talk! She truly has a gift with words." It brought tears to my eyes...because I don't feel like that & in a lot of ways I'm still that shy young girl, with words all built up, but not able to communicate them to people with my voice. Still feel awkward, unknown, doubt any gifts I have constantly, & hard for me to accept being of value. BUT it's those types of encouragements from others that I look back on & of course the Lord's word & love that keep me lifted up enough to try, to keep being creative, to now...write...as I'm led that is. Have grace with me, because I am very rusty...and I do not obey writing punctuation rules and will continue not to. I'm sure there will be many a run on sentence & if there is...it's on purpose.

So here's the blog, I made it last month, and since I had just built an online cake school website and then immediately walked away from it, I knew exactly how to do this one quickly lol. All that time wasn't wasted after all. Third time is a charm. Wherever you find this blog, whatever moment, or day, or year...I hope it leaves a mark, a few nuggets, an encouragement through digital ink typings.

-AMS